Anticipatory Grief: What It Is and How to Cope with Compassion

Grief is often thought of as something that comes after a loss, but what about the pain we feel when we know a loss is coming? Anticipatory grief is the deep, often quiet sorrow that arises before a loss occurs. It can appear when a loved one is facing a terminal illness, when a major life change is inevitable, or even when we sense the loss of a relationship, a dream, or a way of life. If you’re experiencing this, please know: your grief is valid. It’s not something to be brushed aside or minimized. In fact, recognizing and tending to it with compassion can make all the difference.

Recognizing Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—one moment you may feel numb, the

next overwhelmed by sadness. It can show up in ways that might surprise you, such as:

•  Emotional Shifts: Waves of sadness, anxiety, irritability, guilt, or depression

•  Mental Fog: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or a sense of detachment

•  Physical Symptoms: Fatigue, restlessness, headaches, or changes in appetite

•  Withdrawal from Others: Feeling disconnected from loved ones or like no one understands

•  A Sense of Time Slipping Away: Feeling stuck between cherishing the present and

dreading what you know is coming

Emotions do not always make sense. Grief is not linear, and anticipatory grief is especially

complex. It’s not well understood, nor well-recognized. You are grieving something that hasn’t

happened yet, and it’s normal to feel disoriented.

How to Work with Anticipatory Grief

While nothing can erase the pain of an impending loss, there are gentle ways to navigate it with

care and compassion.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

There is no "right" way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling—sadness, anger, even moments of joy—it all belongs. Let yourself feel without judgment. Holding space for your emotions allows

you to move through them, rather than being consumed by them.

2. Share Your Heart, When You Can

If your grief is tied to a loved one’s illness or decline, finding ways to connect—whether through

conversations, shared moments, or even unspoken gestures—can be deeply healing. And if speaking to them directly isn’t possible, writing letters or journaling can offer a way to express

what’s how you feel.

3. Seek Support

Grief can feel lonely, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Lean on friends, family, a support

group, or a therapist trained in grief work. Even a single conversation with someone who

understands can help you feel better.

4. Be Gentle with Yourself

This is an emotionally exhausting time, and it’s okay if you’re not functioning at your best.

Allow yourself to rest. Create small moments of comfort, whether that’s through nature, music,

deep breaths, or simply wrapping yourself in a blanket. Self-compassion is a necessity, not a

luxury.

5. Find Meaning in the Present

It’s easy to get lost in fear of the future, but there is still life happening in this moment. Cherish

small, beautiful things—a shared laugh, a warm cup of tea, a hand held in silence. Even in the

midst of grief, love continues to exist. Learning to savor the moment by paying rapt attention to it helps to imprint memories in our brain.

6. Prepare in Your Own Way

If it feels right, taking practical steps—such as discussing wishes, organizing plans, or gathering

support—can bring a sense of peace. Take it one step at a time at your own pace.

Grief is a Tribute to Our love

If you are grieving a loss before it happens, know that you are not alone. Anticipatory grief is a

reflection of love—a love so deep that you mourn it even before the farewell. Let that love be

your guide. Let it remind you that grief, though painful, is also a testament to the depth of your

love.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. You are walking through something incredibly hard, and yet,

you are still here, still loving, still finding your way. That is a strength all its own.

If you need support, please reach out. There are people who will hold space for you. You do not

have to walk this path alone. As a certified grief educator, I help people who are experiencing

any type of grief, including anticipatory grief.

If you are Interested in learning more about Anticipatory Grief, End of Life or grief support - please contact me at EpilogueCare@gmail.com.

Sally Gabriel Ph.D.

Certified End of Life Doula & Certified Grief Educator